Finding out you’re pregnant is always going to be a life changing experience. Whatever follows this moment will stick with you and change your future as you know it. A younger version of myself always imagined staring down at those two clear blue lines on the saturated stick I held in my hands; doting husband at my side, both crying tears of happiness and hugging each other before phoning our families to tell them the joyous news of the rapidly-forming tenant now inhabiting my womb.
My moment came in the month of December. But instead of hubby and me both fondling the piss-stick in matching His & Hers sweaters, I looked down at the two clear blue lines on the stick in my hand alone. Crying tears of despair in a sobbing mess on the floor of our rental home, I learned of my pregnancy while my blissfully unaware boyfriend of 6 months cooked up fajitas in the kitchen below.
I wish I knew then what was actually in store for me, so I wanted to share with you what you can expect from an unexpected pregnancy:
That’s right mama, if you’re not expecting it, there is a big ol’ chance of tears. Happy tears, sad tears, disappointed tears, angry tears, tears from you, tears from your partner, tears from your/their parents, tears from friends, tears from everydamnbody. The important thing to remember is the tears will soon pass and your heart will be filled with joy and love (and the occasional pang of detest as your child fishes out some mushed banana from the back of their nappy and shoves it back in their mouth). If you feel like the sadness tears are taking over, never hesitate to seek professional help from your GP.
The seemingly never-ending flurry of emotions you feel is PERFECTLY NORMAL. You can feel perfectly contented with your decision one moment and driven wild with fear the next. This does not make you a bad mother; it makes you human. An unexpected pregnancy is a very big deal and if, ultimately, your positive feelings about the situation outweigh the bad, you know in your heart what to do.
3. A Far From Perfect Partner
From the mamas I’ve spoken to and my own personal experience, an unsuspecting dad is not necessarily the best bump buddy. Most women feel they become a mum from the moment they see those 2 lines, while most men report it is not fully brought home until they hold their baby in their arms for the first time. Because of this, the 9 months in which you build your little human can mean you and your partner have very different views on life. The downside – drunk partners stumbling in at 3am and pretending they have no responsibilities. The upside – you get lots of chances to practice mothering a whiney creature. The initial reaction of your baby daddy can go a long way on shaping how you feel about your pregnancy, but ultimately this is your decision and you are stronger than you ever knew.
4. Unjustified Judgement
What everyone seems to forget is an unexpected pregnancy is not always an unwanted one. When I found myself knocked up with my boyfriend of just 6 months and we had made our decision to give it a go together, I called my best friend to tell her the news. She replied with ‘oh no, what are you going to do?’. My heart sank at her reaction. The more people I told, the more I was met with more disbelief and unjustified judgements. Everyone has their opinion (just as they do with EVERYTHING that comes along with being a mother ever), but when negativity comes from someone whose opinion actually matters to you, it hurts. Like, really hurts. I found the best way to overcome the initial disappointment and judgement is to slap on your biggest smile and deliver the news with such ridiculous merriment that people have no choice but to be swept up in your happy news.
5. Discovering Yourself
The whole process of pregnancy is an amazing journey of self-discovery. If you let it, it can be the most positive experience of your life – even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time in among all the vomiting and stretch marks. You wanted to give up smoking? Congratulations, here’s your incentive. You’ve been putting off clearing out the spare room? Guess what, babies need a whole lotta stuff, considering how damn small they actually are. Got friends that never make the effort? Bye, Felicia.
You’re transitioning to a new level of womanhood. Whether this is your first or fourth baby, your life will never be the same as it was before. So whether you want to use it to discover Buddhism or take up knitting or become an awesome chef or simply get through all 94 episodes of Sex & The City (#lifegoals), just remember to enjoy it. Regardless of how your situation turns out, you’ll always look back on these times with great fondness.
Christy is a first time mom and blogger to 1 year old baby C. She’s a cat and music loving former party girl turned earth mama; with a love for all things holistic and natural, as well as for the odd bottle of sauvignon. She lives in a village in Bedfordshire with her partner Dan, baby C, British Bulldog Albert and Luna-Evie the people hating British Blue.