Aunt Ra – Living with Functional Depression

A brief vignette into living with functional depression. When all you want is to melt into the shadows & disappear, hoping the real world doesn't find you.

Today is the kind of day where it’s a stay in bed and laze about day. 

I’ve worked seven days in a row without a day off this week. Doesn’t seem like a lot, but everyone needs a break. 

Today is my day off. 

It took all day for me to get out of bed and make dinner. 

It was just a hard day. My mind wasn’t in it today. 

But I made dinner, which was so basic, it wasn’t really making anything, just reheating it. 

A brief vignette into living with functional depression. When all you want is to melt into the shadows & disappear, hoping the real world doesn't find you.

E wanted to show me her dance moves she’s rehearsing for her dance classes.  I was in bed, reading. I didn’t want to get up. 

But she’s eleven. And I love her. And I’m Aunt Ra. 

She works so hard every year. She’s such a good dancer. Once her mind matures and her desire to work even harder solidifies, she’ll be even more amazing. I love every minute of her, even when she’s irritating me. That’s what pseudo-siblings do. 

Mal really wanted to show me his fire tricks. I so didn’t want to smell the matches or hear his lonnnnnng explanations of why he has to start over. 

But he’s thirteen. And I love him. And I’m Aunt Ra. 

This is some of what it means to have functional depression. When all you want is to melt into the shadows and disappear, hoping the real world doesn’t find you.

But I’m Aunt Ra. And when D asked me to pick him up a half hour early, I got up and went to get him. 

Because Aunt Ra is the best.

And I am rather functional in my ever-present sadness. 

It’s going to work every day, giving attention to the people I love, and just pushing away all those sad, sad emotions to do the little things, like watch some dancing, magic tricks, and hoping the 15 year old doesn’t kill you while learning to drive. 

 

Sara is an almost functioning adult, professional kvetcher, and aspiring writer. She makes the bomb.com pizzas at the moment while being awesome all the time.

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